people are dense (just thought i would go ham)
I don’t think people understand the weight of what they say, or how it can seemingly crush someones value in themselves in a single instant. Having the courage to build up every ounce of confidence they never thought they had, and to sit and watch every brick fall out of place for a mere sentence that came out so fluidly, and ignorantly. Being who i am, i know the difference between pure vengeful remarks and honest opinions… though being an over weight, insecure female in this day and age i can’t help but to remember all the times i refuse to eat in public because i only felt i didn’t deserve to. All the times i looked in the mirror and thought “look at yourself, you look like Peter Griffin.”. Even now, sitting on the floor of the bathroom stall purging a good meal because some bastard decides to let his mouth flap about “fat girls”. You think it’s easy to put on some leggings and think I’m the prettiest girl in the room? Fuck yourself. It takes everything in me to walk out of the house in a hair style and these leggings and think I look damn good. To look in the mirror and ignore a double chin and when i move a piece of hair that fell out of place to ignore my sausage fingers. It takes a whole hell of a lot to still stand there and smile. Ignorance has a name and it’s every mother fucker who has a boisterous opinion on someone elses self-appearance. I blame no one but the person pointing their finger at a boy or girl and laughing for their own amusement. Being that they’re fat, gay, scrawny, pale, short, plain or just different. You’re not jealous, you’re not a “hater”, you’re just a plain no body for that. You’ve lost the value in yourself to question and ridicule the value in others. Value you find in make-up, clothes, or looks rather than mind or personality. Look at yourself. What do you find unattractive about yourself? Now look around the room. Is your favorite poster of your idol on the wall? What do you think they find unattractive about themselves? No one is perfect, and if they look like they are, i know for a fact they don’t think the same thing about themselves. I hope people see this and feel like they don’t have to change themselves, but rather their outlook. I don’t believe there is a real standard for beauty or perfection. Rather for an individuals standard of beautiful or perfect to be self-defined and negotiable by others. For all of us to not sit and agree that a size 2 is gorgeous and every other girl to kill herself till she reaches that. For a boy to hold his junk to be a “manly” gesture, and to not be out-casted for crossing his legs. All i have left to ask is what do you find beautiful, and how far are you willing to go to achieve that? If you’re torn between “nothing, I’m perfect” and “everything” then congratulations… you’ve never had the pain of ridicule like most people do. Because people who said “everything” are perfectionists and people who say “nothing, i’m perfect” are the ones who think they’re the ugliest of all.
